As If By Magic
by enterprise29
Summary: Songfic based on the lyrics of the song 'As If By Magic' by La Roux. Mostly Jo's thoughts on everything since the timeline change. Would be useful to have a copy of the lyrics whilst reading this. Hope you enjoy.


**Verse 1**

In my world we were at the stage of getting engaged, we could have been planning our wedding, our future instead you hate me.

The thought of marrying me practically brings you out into a cold sweat. Whatever did we do to deserve this.

Part of me says this is better, that it's for the best. We wouldn't have worked, or we weren't ready for that stage of commitment yet. That this way I can re-guard my heart, rebuild the walls you broke down that was my protection.

The problem being that's hard to do with a broken heart. I can't even think straight, you were. You are everything to me. How can I rebuild when I still want, when I still need you? I wish you could tell me how.

I know I can't tell you because of time travel sanctions, which is another reason I'm kind of glad your not here.

We were brilliant, maybe a bit explosive, very quiet, but very public. Here you hate me. If my version of you was here with me everyone would know we weren't the same people. Still, I wish you didn't hate me.

In my dreams you still love me, reality feels like a nightmare I need to wake from. I feel like everything is blearing together. [day]dreams and reality. I only know where one starts and the other ends because of you. You, and the way you act around me. Alright and my jobs as well I suppose.

I wish you were here.

 **Verse 2**

Eureka. It used to be my home now I hardly recognise it, and I'm sure despite my preparedness the battlefield would feel the same way.

Really, truly though it was you. You were my home. My everything. Now your gone, well my version of you, my home. Now I don't recognise you like you don't recognise me. My home is gone, and you along with it. Now I'm just drifting.

Sometimes I manage to forget. Those are the best. Nothing can hurt me during those times. Either I'm lost in work, you act like you normally would, or I forget I'm not living in my daydream reality. That all you are now, a memory, a daydream, a past (but still painful) love.

Sometimes a drink helps, or a hectic day, or a sleeping tablet. It helps to rid myself of the memories. Temporarily anyway. Something I can think of something, anything else but you. Then everything comes crashing back, crashing down, or in your case crashing in.

How I wish you were here, that the daydreams were real. That reality hadn't changed. It's less painful in my daydream. It helps protect me. For a short while at least.

I wish you were here to keep me afloat. I'm drowning in memories. Memories of you.

That's when reality always breaks through. It pulls me down. It pulls me under. I'm safe in a daydream, it can't pull me down. It can't pull me away from you

I keep wishing you were here.

 **Verse 3**

Reality. Sometimes I feel like I'm getting lost, that I'm losing myself. Daydreams feel like there overtaking. That I could be giving in to my desires, letting my daydreams run me. Letting them take control.

Weirdly most of the time you don't seem to mind. When I take advantage, when the daydreams take control.

Perhaps that's the problem, your not really here. There isn't an awful lot anyone, you especially can do.

I've got tunnel vision and it's centred straight on you.

I wish you were here, but you shouldn't have kissed me, confused me more. I love you, but this is no life, wanting what's gone, what's not coming back. Not to mention your with Zoe. Don't hurt anyone else, please.

That kiss it made me forget everything, and everything felt right. You made me feel alive again.

I wish you were here.

 **Verse 4**

I can't hear what you say, everything is so foggy. I can't even look at you since that day. Reality and daydreams all blurring together. Neither feeling like they really exist. I feel like I'm trying to see something that isn't there.

I'm no scientist. You know that, any version of you knows that but this time I wish I did understand the science of it.

Are you still there? Do you even still exist? Are you wondering where I went? Are you trying to get me back? Or if I've been replaced are you still with her? If this version of me was the replacement do you hate her? Does she hate you? Do you wonder if or why she stopped loving you? Do you know she's not me? Do you still love me? Do you wonder where I am? Do you wonder if I still love you? I do.

That's the problem though did we do something and wipe out what we once knew. A different timeline. A different time stream. Is it more than that thought? Is it a parallel universe or something like that. Could you still be there?

We were getting engaged, we were each others. It was our forever. How I wish you were with me. That I knew what had happened with you. How I wish you loved me here like you did before.

I wish you were here.

 **Verse 5**

You became my home and now your gone. For that matter so is my actual house, and my job. Everything changed here. Everything feels like it is slowly falling apart.

I have a new job, I will get a new house (although for now I'll stay at SARAH). Unfortunately I got a new you too. One I didn't want. You can't be replaced by anyone. As much as I love and will further come to love my job given the choice, I would happily trade it for you.

I don't want to forget you, although I sometimes wish I could. If I can have you back i wish I could forget you. Avoidance doesn't work, dreaming doesn't work, trying to accept this new reality doesn't work. I think I'd need a bit of magic, or at least a eureka disaster to forget you.

Now it hasn't just been daydreams. Briefly you were here with me. Turned out that was an hallucination though. How can I keep living, trying to move forward when everything reminds me of you. When everything is colliding.

I know I can't look back, I know I have to move on but I can't. Every time I try I catch sight of you, your ring, or something that reminds me of you. I feel trapped.

I wish you were here.

 **Verse 6**

Perhaps I'll get you back, I keep seeing glimpses of you. My you, in him. You are my home and I was yours. We made each other better. Maybe we can again.

I know I've got to forget you, or at least move on. I've got to stop looking at the you I have here with a picture of the you from before over the top. I've got to stop romanticising our relationship. I love you, I will always love you, but your gone now I loved you so much, but I know now if I want a chance to have that back I've got to let you go. I've got to love him instead. I loved you but I can love him. Perhaps it's better this way.

Now I'm dreaming of the future, not the past. Now I'm living in the present. Now I've got your love back and who knows maybe one day, however near or however far we might get back to where we were. Now there's still a chance. One day I still might get to marry you. I hope your happy wherever you are. I hope I made you happy too.

Your here now. My every wish come true.


End file.
